They Finally Noticed Me
By: Sammi Chen
Each word felt like a punch to my heart,
stung like a new wound washed with soap.
I know they didn’t mean to hurt me,
But they forgot words have meaning.
Can you translate this as they showed me the
Soft and rich stroke of the Japanese language?
I laughed and said “I’m Chinese.”
They continued the internal abuse, replying
“Aren’t they all the same?”
The word “same” pounded my head and rang all day.
It made my stomach knot and turn.
I know they didn’t mean to hurt me.
They were my classmates.
I held my book towards my chest blocking my broken heart
As I walked into class
“Patricia” she called, pointing at me
The already broken heart shattered into infinite pieces.
“I’m me.” I responded
But she pulverized the shattered pieces into sand.
“You all look alike” she said
All of the eyes around me grew wide and focused on me.
I wanted to take cover in my make believe shell
I thought, “Am I not my own person?”
The thought followed me all day.
I know she didn’t mean it.
She was my teacher.
I returned home, feeling tired and defeated,
Scrolling mindlessly on facebook.
I read,
“White star cast for an Asian role”
“Again” I thought,
As my voice trailed off, mimicking the hopelessness I felt.
I was so tired already from everything I faced,
So all it did was numb me.
I know they didn’t mean it.
They were my society.
As I hang out with my friends
I worry if they are going to classify me as just another asian girl.
Maybe mulan or a geek?
However, when I’m with them, I realize they see me as just me
They see me as just the girl who is her own person.
They don’t see me as a FOB or a chink.
They see me as just me.
I know they would never hurt me.
They are my friends.
